In Moderation

From Gigantic Portions To Smart Choices: A Weight Loss Creator Shares What Works

• Rob Lapham, Liam Layton • Season 1 • Episode 110

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The best diet isn’t a punishment; it’s a set of choices you’ll gladly repeat. We sit down with creator and coach Noah Tanner, who lost 110 pounds and kept it off for four years, to unpack the food swaps and mindset shifts that make weight loss feel doable in real life. No detoxes, no extremes—just practical switches, honest taste tests, and a big focus on fullness, flavor, and portion sanity.

Noah shares the simple moves that add up fast: trading soda for diet soda, swapping some pasta for potatoes to boost satiety, and building yogurt bowls with frozen wild blueberries and crunchy cereal for a dessert-level experience that actually fills you up. We get specific about what works and what doesn’t—powdered peanut butter belongs in yogurt or on protein ice cream, not as a sad spread; cottage cheese shines as a blended ranch dip or sweet toast topper, but not every “cottage cheese chip” hack deserves your oven time. We also talk condiments that carry their weight, from yogurt-based dressings to smarter BBQ sauce picks, and why reading labels matters when “zero” only means sugar, not fat.

The heart of the conversation is mindset. Noah explains how “feel good first, calories second” changed everything—enjoying ice cream without the food hangover, choosing portions you can walk on, and ignoring viral tall-burger stunts that mistake spectacle for satisfaction. He opens up about early missteps—overexercise, extreme restriction—and how he course-corrected toward balance, muscle, and a relationship with food that’s built to last. If you’ve wanted a roadmap that keeps your favorite foods while nudging the numbers in your favor, this is your playbook: fiber-forward carbs, protein you like, frozen fruit wins, high-fiber wraps, better sauces, and habits you’ll keep on autopilot.

Hit play, then tell us your most underrated food swap. If this resonated, follow, share with a friend who loves a good yogurt bowl, and leave a review—your support helps more people find realistic, sustainable health.

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome back to Inmoderation. We're here with Liam and Timu Scotty.

SPEAKER_05:

Seriously, I have great moral and ethical disagreements with V Shrep. That's great. What don't you like about him? I I don't like that he's he's so handsome.

SPEAKER_04:

His six pack is too many packs.

SPEAKER_05:

It's too many packs. He's got a nine pack. Make it even. Come on.

SPEAKER_04:

Is that what you're running on? Make it even.

SPEAKER_05:

Make it even. That's it. Once he's got that tenth ab, I can let it go.

SPEAKER_04:

I'll vote for you. You got my vote, Timu Scotty.

SPEAKER_05:

I thank you. There's been a great tariff placed on me. So it while I may have been the discount version before, I am now much more expensive than the real Scotty. So you guys had to pay$12,000. Oh, perfect.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, exactly. We're good.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes. This episode has been brought to you by Toyota.

SPEAKER_04:

What Timu version would you think you would be of like a celebrity? I already have mine. I would love to be the Timu Jim Carrey. I would love to be Timu Jim Carrey. I love I like you go and watch his movies, like all of just I love that, like the whole comedy. I love everything about him.

SPEAKER_01:

Give us your Timu well Alrighty then.

SPEAKER_04:

Alrighty then. I love that. I love it. Um Bumblebee Tunum. Bumblebee tuna. Oh, I fucking love man. Ace Pet Detective 2. That's one of the rare occasions. I think the second one is better than the first one. Not many movies. Sequel's better. That one's better.

SPEAKER_03:

I agree.

SPEAKER_04:

Better plot line.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know famous people enough to uh make an assessment of who I'd be tumu. You're a dead ringer for a Sydney Sweeney type. Yeah. No? Maybe. I don't know who that is. What's up, people? Welcome to Inmoderation.

SPEAKER_04:

You know the rest. No, we don't know the Mike. Mike.

SPEAKER_05:

The show where we give you a moderate dose of sarcasm info, and we already know. We're not approved.

SPEAKER_04:

We don't even know her when you're not here, so we're gonna need you to say it every time you're here.

SPEAKER_05:

You haven't listened to the In Moderation podcast? Are you kidding me right now?

SPEAKER_04:

I don't uh listen. The only thing I listen, what do I even listen to at this point? Basically, just like what people tag me in and my daughter. Those are the two things I listen to. She's speaking a lot more words, but mostly most of her words are now just no. Just no on everything. I'm like, well, just no, no or sit down. She tells me to sit down places, even if they're very inconvenient, like sit down over there. I'm like, that's not something I can sit down. Like I can't sit on that. What do you want from me? You know what we can do? She think you're a dog. Uh no, she knows the dogs, but like Because I mean that's that's kind of how you treat a dog is no, sit down.

SPEAKER_01:

Sit down.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, that's yeah. Well, that's what toddlers basically just boss you around like that. Yeah, that's that's what having a toddler is. If you're curious, if you're thinking about having kids, that's what it's gonna be like. They just kind of try and boss you around everywhere. It's fun.

SPEAKER_01:

This episode brought to you by vasectomies.

SPEAKER_04:

Visectomies. It's gonna be like diaper cream. No, like just pull on, don't do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Snip, snap, snip, snap.

SPEAKER_05:

Use code don't be your worst at checkout, and you get 15% off.

SPEAKER_04:

15% off man, you mentioned like so like NASCAR or something, like they're like their sponsors, like one of them is just like vasectomies. Like, fuck, I hate kids. Like that driver hates kids so much. He's sponsored by vasectomies.

SPEAKER_05:

Planned parenthoods on there.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, I can see like, or maybe Durex, like you know, Trojan or some shit. Like a coat of the house. Yeah, I could see that actually happening.

SPEAKER_03:

That would be pretty good. That would be the a coat hanger, would be the car ornament at the front of the hood.

SPEAKER_05:

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

My my car is more streamlined than other cars. If you're wondering why, you'll have to talk with my sponsor.

SPEAKER_03:

It's more aerodynamic that way.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh shit. And the extra voice you're hearing is a poor soul that Mike dragged on at the very last minute.

SPEAKER_05:

I did. Noah, you should introduce yourself. Let everybody know who you are and what you do.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, uh, I'm Noah Tanner. I'm a fellow weight loss creator. Uh, I've been on TikTok for about four years now. Uh amassed a following of too many people uh that I deserve anyway. Um, but I've been on here for uh four years, been making content similar to these handsome fellas. And uh Mike and I have been talking about getting me on this podcast, and then he calls me out of the blue like three and a half hours ago. Hey, we're recording at 10 p.m. tonight. That's somebody else fell through.

SPEAKER_04:

No, literally everyone. Basically everyone, because another thing is just like, oh, you're on, cool, get over here. That's how it works.

SPEAKER_03:

I I had no issue with it. I had no issue with it. But uh I lost 110 pounds, kept it off for four years. Uh I'm a weight loss coach, and I run the Big Fella brand. And uh Mike and I have been making fun of each other on podcasts for a while now, so he decided to bring me over here. And I I already I've I've now got to formally meet Rob and Liam, and I think I like them better than you, Mike.

SPEAKER_05:

I get it completely. I'm just here to pass you off to them. This is custody.

SPEAKER_04:

You know, people always talk about what's the positives weight loss. What's the downsides? Is there any downsides that now you're just like, damn, it was better sitting on a wooden chair is mine.

SPEAKER_05:

You say like less cushion for for the chair. Yeah, it's I can't we we were up until 2 a.m. playing we were playing D D with Scotty last night. It was uh five of four of us, five of us and I'm sitting there on a wooden bench and I'm so uncomfortable because I don't have an ass anymore. And it's you know, I I my annual leg day happened in February, so um yeah, it's there's just nothing left. That used to not be a problem. But what what what sucks about weight loss for you being on the other side now?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm I'm wearing a hoodie and a flannel right now in my house. No insulation. I'm fucking cold. I'm the Michigan, so I was one of those kids that wore like shorts through December and like through all the winter time, no problem. I'm a I'm not are we allowed to cuss on here or no? Oh yeah, fucking right. I'm a bitch to the cold, you know. I it's bad. I would say that's probably the most noticeable one is uh my lack of strength to the cold. If it's windy, forget about it, dude. Forget about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so yeah, I didn't get to send you the traditional uh email to get you prepped for them for the episode, which is um we have no plans.

SPEAKER_04:

I was gonna say, wait a second, we don't have shit. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no, I've been on the email 30 episodes of the show. The email is basically this ep this thing is unscripted. We go into it with no idea. Swearing is okay, making fun of each other is encouraged. Have fun.

SPEAKER_04:

Can I say there's like a piece that is like I I enjoy that like where we can as a podcast where we can be more popular than other podcasts that have their shit together, right? Oh, there's like a little piece of me that's like, yeah, we don't fucking know Dick. And yet we seems to do okay. Like, that's pretty great. That's pretty great, if you ask me.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, I think it shows that you guys know so much about you know so much. But sure.

SPEAKER_04:

Let's go with that.

SPEAKER_03:

That's not the truth, but I like that. I'm not gonna end that sentence, actually. I I started talking, but it wasn't gonna sound right when it came out of my mouth. But we're just gonna run with that. You have so much knowledge that it just oozes out of you, and now you guys can just you know make innuendos and bullets. Yeah, the only thing that oozes out of me is just more dick jokes. That's pretty much it. I was gonna leave, I was gonna say a dick joke, but I feel like I was gonna come on too strong. So maybe maybe in about 10 minutes. We'll see.

SPEAKER_05:

Last night at dinner, I forget what the context was, but I had said, huh, I thought this cum was supposed to make my pineapple taste better. So that's uh that's where we're at here.

SPEAKER_04:

I need to get a pineapple.

SPEAKER_05:

That's the end of the show.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't be a worse. What are you trying to make? I've been trying to make fucking this like tapache forever, which is like you take these pineapples and you take the rind and then you ferment them with like cinnamon and shit. And I'm gonna tell you, I don't understand fermentation. I don't like it. Because I feel like if I leave something on my counter, it should go moldy and it should be bad and poison. I feel like it should be poison. And I don't like that it's not poison and that somehow the fermentation saves it. I don't like that bothers me.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, when when people talk about like their sourdough starters being alive. Sit in there. Like, what do you fucking mean? It's alive. What the fuck do I want to eat this? And uh, what is it called? Um, kombucha. Like the process of making all that with like the I don't know. I saw it's kombucha vegan. Is it? Isn't it? I would have guessed it is.

SPEAKER_01:

I just bacteria is because it's it's made with living bacteria.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, no, all plants are living, bro. They still eat plants.

SPEAKER_03:

Kombucha is generally the sentient or whatever. Google's AI search. I gotta turn that shit off. Okay, it is it is. You can turn that off?

SPEAKER_04:

I didn't even know that was possible. I thought we just had to live with our robot or rewards. Fuck that, bro.

SPEAKER_05:

You say that as the Roomba comes and eats it your body. Oh, that fucking room.

SPEAKER_04:

I we haven't really we've turned it on once since then, and I'm like thankful. I don't like the room.

SPEAKER_03:

I have I have a way too expensive. He's got a one fucking leg right now. I spent way too much money on that for that to kill me.

SPEAKER_04:

It's docking it. Docking, that's a word what it's doing right now.

SPEAKER_05:

It's docking. Docking. It's docking.

SPEAKER_04:

But like you leave something on your counter, like it should go moldy, and I hate that it doesn't. I don't like that. So yeah, I gotta figure that shit out because and I gotta get over my like fear of that and actually like make it and drink it, weird shit, or whatever.

SPEAKER_05:

Speaking of fears of food, no, this is a topic that you touch on quite a bit because you and I share a very similar mentality around weight loss and mindset and everything. Tell everybody kind of how you approach this thing differently than some other people do in our space. The weight loss conversation.

SPEAKER_03:

It's it's it's it's not too complex of a strategy. I mean, I just I like food a lot, and I didn't want to find ways to stop eating the foods that I really like a lot, so I just found food swaps to where I could still eat for a family of seven quantity-wise, but the calories weren't matching there anymore. I'm six foot four and I was 300 pounds in high school, so I had the I mean, I had like I said, I would eat for a family of seven on a normal basis. So for me, it was what food swaps can I make, what adjustments can I make to where I could still have high volume meals, but once I discovered the magic of fiber and protein and whole foods and nutrient density, it got a lot easier. But that's that's kind of how I like to approach it is I can have anything I want, but if I make that, you know, if I follow the 80-20 rule, and then the 80% is mostly high volume foods and using the food swaps, and you know, you know, I I don't really like to talk about the fact that I insert aspartame into certain crevices into my body, but outside of that, it's been pretty easy.

SPEAKER_04:

So when you're having food swaps, are you talking like, oh shit, I used to like like lasagna, so now I make it with cottage cheese and that sort of shit? Or like what are we talking about? I actually just like sniff a watermelon rind, and it usually does the trick. Yeah. So you just add it, are you just adding it more like whole food? Are you just adding it like, oh shit, I'm eat so many potatoes and watermelon and celery and shit? Like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_03:

It's not anything too ridiculous. It's it's mostly like if there is a lower calorie sugar fat carb version of a food that you that already exists, like give it a try. And I always tell my clients, it's like if you don't like it, don't get married to it. You know, like fat-free cheese sucks. Like reduced fat cheese is good. But fat-free, unless you melt it. I fat-free cheese is acceptable when you melt it. I have found that. So I I could I can tolerate it then. But when it comes to like food swaps, it's the very basic stuff, like Coke for Coke Zero, right? Or going for a coffee creamer, low-fat coffee creamer, uh bread for keto bread, uh, little things like that, but then also finding replacements for some of the staple foods, right? Like you mentioned potatoes. I just told the client earlier this day or earlier this morning on a call. I was like, let's let's lower the pasta and replace some of that with potatoes. It's gonna be lower calorie, higher fiber, more satiety overall. I'm big on sweet potatoes, very bullish on sweet potatoes, one of the most underrated foods for Thanksgiving. Um so it's largely look around grocery shopping or the grocery store, I guess, and and and find the stuff that's lower, give it a try, check the food label, and then but also you know, incorporate some of the more nutrient-dense stuff and when it's can not impossible and it's actually convenient for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Am I the only one that thought he was gonna say coke for cocaine?

SPEAKER_03:

Cocaine will do the trick. That'll do it real fast. That's a great, great diet tip.

SPEAKER_05:

That is your macros on Coke, okay?

SPEAKER_03:

I think it's like alcohol. I think it's seven calories per gram. Oh boy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Man, that line was 430 calories.

SPEAKER_03:

But it does it all, it all equals out with how much you move afterwards, though. Yeah, you know, like the active calorie burn, it actually skyrockets your metabolic rate, so it doesn't even it all cancels out.

SPEAKER_04:

So old like fat burners did work. Like before we got all like, oh, people shouldn't die and whatever. Like the what you could take before was it would just like jack up your temperature like crazy. Because, like, you know, that's what my calories are was heat. They were just like, let's just fucking get rid of some heat through your body, and people started taking like too many of them and ruined it for the rest of us. And now now you can you can't get any of the fat burners.

SPEAKER_01:

Are you telling me thermodynamics has something to do with heat?

SPEAKER_04:

I don't I'm not telling anyone anything because I don't know anything for sure. It's all a hard maybe. It's all hard.

SPEAKER_03:

I everything my whole life is yeah, possibly. Just an asterisk, probably maybe.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, so what do you think?

SPEAKER_05:

No, I was saying speaking of asterisk, have you ever picked up one of those boxes at Walmart of the fat burners and looked at the back of it and seen all the fine text?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's a vague.

SPEAKER_05:

You don't say like this doesn't actually burn fat, it just raises your energy expenditure, which you know, according to Thermodynamics creates weight loss. Like it's just it's basically saying this just increases your energy, which may compel you to exercise, which may lead to a calorie burn.

SPEAKER_04:

It's just caffeine, it's usually just like green tea extract and shit. That's what it is. Yeah, all the good shit is outlawed now.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, that's really what they should do with energy drinks, too. It's just like most of I mean, not all of them, but like for a lot of them, it's just mainly caffeine that's gonna get the main stimulant. If you're talking about pre-workout, obviously with beta alanine and everything else, it's gonna be different. But I don't know. I hate beta ingredients on those too.

SPEAKER_04:

Like you're saying though, just like the zero, like for a lot of the I think drinking your calories is a big thing for a lot of people, whether it's like the sodas or the creamers and stuff. So by just doing little things like that, it can it can help a lot. But like what are the other foods that you're like? So like you're like potatoes, sweet potatoes, what else are you yelling at people with? Yeah, what are you doing? Like cottage cheese swaps? Or is it other cottage cheese or like two?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm very very bullish on cottage cheese. Any sort of not I I am like I got kind of a really intimate relationship with non-fat vanilla Greek yogurt. Um we have a long, a long running history together. It's good. So I'm yogurt bowl? Man, I might have one of those tonight. That's good. Dude, frozen bloobs.

SPEAKER_04:

Are you a light and fit or are you an oikos? Are you a generic?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm a generic because I'm buying like seven at a time. So like I'm not like if I had the choice, I would. I don't know, the light and fit flavors are nice, but I'm if I I'm gonna go probably oikos in that debate. Yeah, but for me, I'm usually buying the brand like the store brand.

SPEAKER_04:

And anything natural, I try and not put in my body. Right. I mean, why would you? That's the problem. It's very artificial as much as possible.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

That's why I like Lake and Fit super low.

SPEAKER_05:

He gets air imported from YMCA and pumped into his house. Oh my god. He likes the smell of gym mats and cable grease.

SPEAKER_04:

And that's why I go to Subway because the bread is made of yoga mats.

SPEAKER_03:

Hell yeah. I actually, before I hopped on here, I took my girlfriend on a date and we got hot chocolates, and then there's a Jimmy John's next door. And I'm like, do you want to go get some day old bread? And then we shared a loaf of day old Jimmy John's bread. She's really easy to please. It's nice. Did you start at either end and work your way in? Uh no, we just kind of like ate it like a monster uh and just swapped it back and forth like past it like a joint. So it was pretty chill. And really romantic, dude. It was really romantic. We were walking down the street, like nobody else was out there. It was great. Uh food swaps, though. Food swaps. Um, I'm gonna say some of my favorite all time, any sort of non-fat vanilla Greek yogurt. Uh, I really like to pair that with um any breakfast cereal. I'm a huge breakfast cereal kid. I ate a lot of that as a kid. Um, so instead of having cereal with milk, I'll have cereal with non-fat vanilla Greek yogurt, kind of create a parfait situation if I'm having a craving for Reese's puffs, cocoa pebbles, fruity pebbles, cinnamon toast crunch. We can talk about cereals in a second, maybe. Um I'm really big on powdered peanut butter over peanut butter, obviously, having the normal thing. Like you, I think, Liam, you made a video not too long ago, like about just a normal PBJ not even being too terrible for you. Oh no, clearly jelly is great. Exactly. That's it's one of my favorites for sure.

SPEAKER_04:

But yeah, like as Donkey would say, parfait. Everybody loves parfaits. Like fucking that's but when you get them at like you know, like a fucking cafeteria or whatever, like they, you know, they bump lots of added sugar and stuff like that. So make your own. Like you say, make it you make swabs, make it your own. I love like fucking strawberries, like you like any sort of berry, those crazy. And I'm telling you, fro it's frozen's better. Frozen's better when you're doing like a yogurt bowl. It is like you're supposed to get fresh, and it's like not no, no, it tastes like just it gets mushy, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

It gets watery, it gets mushy, and then if there's god forbid, there's one bad one in there, and then it fucks the whole bowl. There's like one little moldy spot on one, and you're just like, I'm gonna just puke now.

SPEAKER_04:

The frozen wild blueberries. I don't know if you got on that game yet, but that shit's good. Like, I I I like those for my that's I always make sure I have those in the freezer because I just heat those up for like a minute in the microwave, then with the yogurt, then with the granola or like cereal or whatever it is. I get honey nut tasty hose because I don't want to pay for honey nut Cheerios. We go with a Hannaford, they're tastios, and so it's like two bucks for like a family-sized bag. And that's my fucking problem with the protein cereals, not to get on that shit, but it's like, oh, I'll pay$10 for four servings as opposed to I pay two dollars for like 30 servings of the other one and just get protein literally anywhere else. I'll go with that. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, you were saying the parfaits thing. It's like, yeah, you can go to a cafeteria and get a bunch of added sugars, or you can go to a millennial joint owned by some 30-year-old with a fucking fedora on that's gonna charge me$70,$17 for four ounces of yogurt and granola with like a three blueberries on it. Like, I'm not doing that either. But it is on a pretty good small business, but what the fuck? You know, I'm not doing that either. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Put a scoop of protein powder in your cereal and call it a day.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_04:

Like, why not just do that?

SPEAKER_03:

Protein ice cream is is my favorite, though. That's how I can.

SPEAKER_04:

You know what I don't like though is when they put the protein powder in yogurt. Like, yours already protein. I don't need to fucking put protein powder in my yogurt. That I just have more yogurt. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01:

What if you want protein into protein?

SPEAKER_04:

Exactly. Why am I why am I doing this to myself? What the hell? Might as well just get an enema of it at this point. This is ridiculous. I mean you can pack this goddamn.

SPEAKER_05:

You could put like 70 grams of protein into a mug and eat it like like sweet concrete, and you're not hungry for six days.

SPEAKER_04:

I guess you won't be hungry, but you'll also be like, why am I doing this? I can't just do that.

SPEAKER_03:

You would clear a room in about five minutes as entering it, though. The the protein parts.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah, that too. But like the protein peanut, like the powdered peanut butter, like that's the problem is people will put like mix it with water and then make peanut butter and use it like for bread. I'm like, that tastes like shit. No, no, no, no. You put it in shakes, you put it in yogurt, you put it in stuff like that, and that's fine.

SPEAKER_03:

With yogurt, it's the best, in my opinion. I think that's the best use of it for sure. If I'm doing protein ice cream, I'll sprinkle some of it dry on top at the end. That's a great way to do it too. Um, for anyone that does like doing it with water though, add a small pinch of salt. It makes it feel a little less fake compared to the real thing. Yep.

SPEAKER_04:

It tastes sad. It tastes if you ask me what tastes sad, powdered peanut butter mixed with water, that is like the saddest thing. It's a ghost of a ghost of peanut butter.

SPEAKER_05:

You know what you use instead? Sugar-free maple syrup.

SPEAKER_04:

People say it feels sad. I disagree syrup. I disagree. I like it on paper. It's still so sad. I reckon it's not meant to be.

SPEAKER_03:

I just don't like the taste. I just don't like the taste combination of the maple syrup with the peanut butter. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_04:

It's so like over, it's sickeningly sweet because the maple syrup is well, it's not even maple syrup, it's like pancake syrup or whatever. It's just like so sweet. No.

SPEAKER_05:

I've got the taste palate of a dog. It's uh that's just where I'm at.

SPEAKER_03:

Liam, you have to ignore the sweetness and optimize for the extra artificial sweeteners that are coming with it, though. Think about all the artificial sweeteners.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, Liam, you could make it less real.

SPEAKER_04:

Rather just take my IV uh aspertame trip. But walled and harms, peanut butter, zero calories.

SPEAKER_01:

I brought Mike uh a thing of real Canadian maple syrup, and apparently it was a waste on him because he can't taste the difference anyway.

SPEAKER_04:

Between that and like pancake syrup, or just like between that and like maple syrup, other maple syrup inside the store. Wait, are you so no, I'm confused. Are you saying you taste that the same as like pancake syrup? Like fucking Mrs. Buttersworth? Well, let's get Mike's live review here. This is really good. This really good. Yeah, fucking real maple syrup is delicious.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, better than a flask. You know, there's no alcohol in this, just um the drug I used to imbibe in, and that is calories. And um, it's got a bite to it that American maple syrups do not have.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, it better be sharpened. It takes it takes like 500 gallons, or for Rob, that's like 80,000 liters of sap to make that shit, so it better be good.

SPEAKER_05:

They also have to hunt trees to get this stuff. They've got to hunt and kill trees. That's why it's not.

SPEAKER_01:

Did you see Jacob Foods, the video he put out the other day with this spaghetti squash?

SPEAKER_04:

He was he was chasing a spaghetti squash, just like Paul Saladino was like, Oh yeah, animal-based pasta, which is just a spaghetti squash. Yeah. You're like, okay, sure. Yeah, I remember that being a thing a while ago. It's very people, and then people are arguing about it, like, oh, animal-based meats, you eat some fruits, or you might have some vegetable. Like, why are we arguing about this? This is stupid. Like, this is the dumbest argument ever. God damn.

SPEAKER_05:

Animal-based is whatever Paul Saladino says it is. Anything on a wooden cutting board, that's pretty much what I throw it off.

SPEAKER_04:

Speaking of the food swaps, though, like I'm telling you, like, the wraps and the bread, they've come a long way with making like the high fiber like wraps and bread so much better. They used to taste horrible, and now I'm like, this tastes maybe not exactly like you know, the counterpart, but pretty good.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, those are way more widespread. Like you can find more of them.

SPEAKER_05:

Sola bagels, S O L A. Have you guys had those?

SPEAKER_03:

Not yet. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. They're really good.

SPEAKER_05:

They're expensive as hell, but they're really good.

SPEAKER_03:

It's worth it for a local bagel.

SPEAKER_05:

What are the$6 for uh 120 calories? It's a regular size bagel, but there's like 30 grams of fiber in it. If you're not ready for 30 grams of fiber, don't get that.

SPEAKER_04:

I think it's one bagel. I think it's more than 30 grams. I remember it being like 40. Like 40 plus, because people were like, yo, I'm gonna die on my toilet. I'm like, I mean, I'm fine, but most people can't can't handle that shit. Oh, especially.

SPEAKER_01:

I can eat two of these in a day.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, right. So we've got 140 calories, 30 grams of fiber.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, it's okay. This is 30.

SPEAKER_05:

15 grams of protein.

SPEAKER_04:

Wow. Right, exactly. Like, that's good. Yeah, you throw some like you get some smoked salmon or avocado or whatever. Really good.

SPEAKER_01:

But can you make them out of cottage cheese? Gotta try it.

SPEAKER_04:

Listen, cottage cheese on a bagel is good though. Like cottage cheese on a bagel. I'll take some cottage cheese on a bagel. I'm happy with that. Or you make like um uh cottage. No, no, no. One thing with cottage cheese I really like was the pizzas where you just take like a slice of sourdough and then you have tomato sauce, cottage cheese, and then like toppings. So you do like pepperoni or you peppers or onions or whatever it is. That's good. Like, I'm I'm down with that. That I'm happy with that. That was that was really good.

SPEAKER_05:

One of my friends in the uh weight loss space, Macy, she introduced me, and she's she'll be on this podcast at some point, I think, on one of our roundtables. She introduced me to cottage cheese on sourdough bread with honey and cinnamon. Yeah, and it's I have one every day. It's so good.

SPEAKER_04:

That's really good. I mean, I uh you can add a chilly crisp route. You could go, yeah, like you can you know there's a ton of stuff you can do with it. Uh pistachios, great with it. Like a little bit of honey, yeah, like all of that stuff. Yeah, I haven't thought about that.

SPEAKER_03:

That's good.

SPEAKER_04:

It's really yeah, you just chop some up. Like, I I think cottage cheese like on like toast or whatever. I there's a lot of things you can do with it. People are just doing too much. I'm like, Eni, calm fuck down. Yeah, I like to use it as like a complimentary thing, like on the side with something. Stop trying to make it into chips, people. I keep getting tagged in fucking cottage cheese chips videos. I've made try to make them so many times and they are burnt or wet. There is literally no in-between. And I'm like, I I I'm done. I'm done making cottage cheese chips.

SPEAKER_05:

Hey, Noah Tanner, why is it that you know so much about food swaps? Because uh, it's my job. And what did your job produce about food swaps?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, oh, I see where you're going with this. Yeah, it was clearly pushing you somewhere. I have uh I have a list of 300 uh low-calorie food swaps. I've been dishing out like candy for the last year or so. Um I don't know where you guys do.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you know to Halloween? Just your kids have actually candy.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like you're targeting kids if you hand them out to specific kids, and that's kind of fucked up. Well, I only hand it out to the fat ones.

unknown:

I know.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh no. Let's let's not do it.

SPEAKER_03:

We'll just hand them out to every kid. All the kids right, right. Everybody can uh absorb more aspartame. No, but I uh I have a list, it's a big Google Drive, uh it's a Google Slides, I guess, and it's 101 slides, and I take 100 of the most common like fun foods, so pancakes, lasagna, spaghetti, you know, anything you can think of that, you know, anybody like the fun foods in America, basically. And uh I gave you three lower calorie alternatives, whether those are direct recipe swaps, whether they're basic, like, hey, just try buying this at the store, or hey, this isn't gonna save you on the calories, but it's gonna bump you up 15 grams of protein. And I'm not gonna give you like, hey, you're ch you, you know, you're craving a chocolate sundae, hey, or try a strawberry. Like, that's not obviously gonna be a food swap. I try to keep them as realistic and keep the taste profiles as as close as I possibly can. I do breakfast, lunch, dinner, um, I do snacks, I do condiments, and it's got 101 slides total and 300 swaps in all totality. And it's been a pretty useful tool for a while. So that is a lot of swaps.

SPEAKER_04:

That's a lot of swaps. It took me a long time. Don't ask me give me more of the favorite ones. What do you think?

SPEAKER_03:

More of the favorites. Uh more than one I haven't already said. I'm really bullish on sugar-free pudding. Um, I really like chocolate, sugar-free chocolate pudding. Uh, I'm a really big fan of like the we were talking about earlier with the wraps, but like um like flatbreads, like lavish breads, different things like that. Those are really good. Those are awesome.

SPEAKER_00:

Those are awesome shit.

SPEAKER_03:

That's really good. Keto bread, I think I said that earlier, but keto bread, you can't go without saying the keto bread. Um, sugar-free syrup is really solid. Uh big fan of like the condiments, so um Bolt House Farms dressings, those are great.

SPEAKER_04:

Dude, I've been tracing their fucking like getting a sponsorship by them for a long time. Those fucking things. Oh, that'd be sick. I've been trying to get their they make good ass dressings, like 40 countries.

SPEAKER_03:

They really do just for serving. Dude, it's it's nuts. That they have ranch, blue cheese, Caesar, like five different yeah, it's all yogurt-based. When I tell my clients, I'm like, slow the roll. I promise you, it sounds disgusting. I wouldn't steer you wrong. Yeah. I'm in Michigan, and we take ranch like a religion over here. So I I I I only recommend it if I like it. Um, those are good. Papa G Hughes, barbecue sauce. Gotta shout out G Hughes, but only barbecue sauce because some of those other sauces are high in calories.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, yeah, that's because if you take like, what is it, you know, like Thousand Island dressing or something that's mostly fat, and you remove two grams of sugar, it's not gonna do anything.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I tried uh what was it? It was like a it was like a Polynesian adjacent sort of like situation, and it was the wrong consistency. I don't know what consistency they were going for, but it wasn't correct.

SPEAKER_04:

It was very sticky, but not in like sauce is something you could do pretty well, but there's a lot of the other ones that are oh man, if when you go like full chemical, like that's when you get to the um what is the the what's the one brand that has like zero calories and everything? Walden. It's dangerous. I tried the peanut butter once. I'd oh no. Peanut butter shouldn't be zero calories. Like, come on. I I love that they're it's for the sake of trying, it's fun, but don't buy those. Don't I'm glad you're gonna be able to do that. Have you ever tried the Walden Farms jelly? Jelly.

SPEAKER_05:

Have you tried the Walden Farm's zero calorie jelly? It is the strangest substance I've ever Had in my kitchen.

SPEAKER_04:

They must buy like gums, it's like Xanthem gum by like fucking truckload. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Rob, I have a Canadian question for you. Uh uh.

SPEAKER_03:

They're they usually have about one gun instead of 30.

SPEAKER_05:

Do you guys get TV up there?

SPEAKER_03:

Um no, I have a handful of Canadian clients, and it seems like the some of the swaps that we were talking about here, some of the different versions and some of the different lower calorie or lower fat sugar options aren't as uh available in Canada. So, what what are your thoughts on some of the stuff that we're talking about here?

SPEAKER_01:

Half of it, I don't know what you're saying.

SPEAKER_05:

I brought Rob into a Bucky's this week. Oh he he walked around like he was going through a zoo of space animals.

SPEAKER_04:

What's this? Just like he's fucking full on a nightmare before Christmas. What's this? What's this?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that was that was it.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, what's this?

SPEAKER_03:

What stood out the most? Cereal.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh just the uh apparently I I I was amazed at the sheer size of it, yet apparently it was a small one.

SPEAKER_05:

The the size of the Buckeys he's talking about. For those of you that don't know what Bucky's is, it's like they turned a gas station into a town. Okay. It's it's just it's like a mall next to two rows of gas pumps, about a hundred on either side.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't think it's basically like uh like a truck stop on steroids, right?

SPEAKER_05:

You can go in there and you can buy lawn ornaments, you can buy a grill, you can buy knives, you there you and then you can have like uh fresh brisket at any hour of the day. Um and I man, it's it's it's it's an experience that Canadian look, we get buckies, Canadians get health care. That's the deal. Right. So right Rob's walking through, and there's like you know, eight different flavors of Mountain Dew that he hasn't seen before and like colors that they don't export there. And I've got pictures of him wandering around like you released an ape in New York City, just looking up at the billboards, and then like a picture of a tree pops up and he starts screaming. Like nothing. I did climb a lot of trees. He did. There's a picture of him in a tree. But yeah, it's uh he'd never had a Mountain Dew Baja Blast before. I have a video of him trying it.

SPEAKER_01:

What'd you rate it? Oh, what did I rate it? I rated it um oh god, what did I say? It was like you said it was good. It was more like a Baja Cruise than a blast.

SPEAKER_05:

He said he couldn't identify what the flavor is, but that it was good.

SPEAKER_04:

We don't know what any of the flavors are of the food we eat is colors. We call them colors.

SPEAKER_01:

I was expecting something more, you know, popping in my mouth for something called a blast, and it was just kind of like smooth. So I called it a Baja Cruise. I tried to bring it in my house to have some pop and blast in your mouth, but never mind. But yeah, as for the Canadian swabs, um sometimes you can find those things just under a different brand. And you know, so you're looking for a certain brand and do they have low-colour bread up and sell bread? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, yeah, okay, that's good.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we have we have bread. Yep.

unknown:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, yep, we got it.

SPEAKER_03:

No way. I'm not buying it.

SPEAKER_01:

Um you have sugar-free pancake syrup, uh, or do they not allow you to sell it in Facebook? Oh, fuck. That's that's illegal up here, bud.

SPEAKER_04:

That's what I was wondering. It's probably gotta be illegal.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, yeah, bud. Did they replace everything with maple syrup? Like, honey, maple syrup, bagels, maple syrup. You want a cookie, you know, a good replacer for brisket, maple syrup.

SPEAKER_01:

See, you guys had these this entire wall of Oreos, and I was like, wait, where's the maple syrup Oreos?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, why hasn't that not been a thing yet? What it is, it is a thing here. Yeah, surprising.

SPEAKER_05:

It's in Canada. We don't have it. We've got coffee Oreos, we've had uh Sour Patch Kids Oreos. We don't have the maples. We have Sour Patch Kid Oreos. I I don't know if they're still around, but they had them.

SPEAKER_04:

We had Swedish fish Oreos.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw them. We also had Swedish fish Oreos. Yeah, you and I we missed our day. We should have gotten skinny like now. I guess we could have tried all the stuff. Because here's the thing I want to try all these things, but I don't want to buy 36 Swedish fish Oreos. I want one. Yeah, but like give me a four-pack or something so I don't feel like I'm gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_03:

Especially most of the really out there flavors, too. Yeah, like for the really out there flavors, get like a four-pack so then you can like share with a friend when you pick up gas or something.

SPEAKER_04:

With the family size, you open that shit and then you don't have very long before it goes steel, even with their like resaleable technology. Like, no, it doesn't work, like it still goes stale. So like eating a bottom of 100 or something.

SPEAKER_01:

It's almost like air got in when you opened it.

SPEAKER_04:

What the hell? Just give me like a few like small pack. That's my thing. It's like in America, like it's just the portion sizes are wild. I went to a local uh ice cream place that just opened up. I was like, what's the smallest size you have to like kitty? And I get this thing and I'm like, what kid is eating this? Like, it's still like a lot of ice cream. I'm like, I need some, I need half of kitty. I need whatever that is. Like, I don't need this much ice cream. And I'm looking at they have like triple, quadruple scoop. I'm like, this is what this is 2,000 calories worth of ice cream. Who is ordering this? Like the like the Dairy Queen Blizzards and shit. It's like legitimately your entire day in one shake. Like, that's the I just can't we can have the things, can we just make them a little bit more reasonable in the proportions? That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_05:

Calories aside, completely aside, and this is something I teach my clients and I I talk about online very often. My goal is to feel good. Calories come second. So it yeah, like it I I eat ice cream, I'm not worried about the calories. What I'm worried about is could I go for a walk after this and not regret it? Like it's so, and usually that means I don't need two pints of Ben and Jerry's like I used to. I'm good with a a portion of it. And there are some people out there who are still associating amounts with enjoyment. And trust me, I get it. Like we've talked about that a lot here and how that's not the case. Um, but it's it it feels like it's not gonna be enough when you have a little bit. Okay. But have four of those and you're gonna be sick.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. That's exactly like the little Ben and Jerry's, the tiny pints. Have you seen these? They sell them in like the tiny single, they're like 200 calories. This is per like this this is perfect. I'd eat this. This is like 200 calories worth of ice cream. Great. Um but like the you know, you get a pint and you eat like half of it.

SPEAKER_03:

It's just the the portion sizes are just a lot, especially for Ben and Jerry's too, because it's always so decadent and rich, and it's like you any pick any flavor, it's like 1100 calories for a pint.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, it's good, but like you go to like restaurants like Arby's, it's like we slap our meat so hard in your face you fall over. I'm like, I don't need this much. This is too much. Like these they are always trying to just show like the portion sizes, you know, the the Wendy's quadruple bacon eater. God damn. Like, this is it it it's that's that's my thing with this. Is it's just the portion size, it's it's wild to me.

SPEAKER_05:

So the odds are stacked against you if you want to lose weight in terms of like ordering out because it's they don't even advertise on how good the thing is, they just advertise on how much they're like, here you go. It's it's it's two pounds of food. Is it any good? Exactly. It's two pounds of food.

SPEAKER_04:

It's mediocre food, but if we stack it high enough, you'll think it's good. Like come over to fucking buffets and shit. Like date.

SPEAKER_03:

I think it's just like the tick to tick tokification of restaurants and fast food because it's just like instant dopamine, instant dopamine, fast, fast, fast. We want more and more and more all the time. But it's it's instant gratification. So it's like, hey, remember that burger you've been buying for the last 20 years in the drive-thru? We added six of them into one just because you think you want more all the time. Just it and and you know, you know, capitalism, money, all that other shit, too, obviously.

SPEAKER_05:

The burgers this thick.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Like stop making burgers tall. If you want to make it bigger, make them wide. Yeah, they gotta be the because how would how do you bite a triple bacon in this thick? They give it to you in a diaper. It's I can't get my jaw around this thing. I've got to un unhinge.

SPEAKER_04:

Like it's like where you see them on the the billboards. I'm like, that looks gross. Like, that looks like I don't want to eat that. And it's just like cheese and bacon falling now. I'm like, I that's too much. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_03:

The animals had to die for this.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, let's calm it, let's bring it in a little bit here. So I think that's just just take what you like, but just make the portion size a little bit more reasonable. Definitely, definitely, and then have some eat some fucking carrots, some bowl house or some shit. That's not the ranch.

SPEAKER_03:

Start a factory farming the carrots.

SPEAKER_05:

Let's talk about ranch powder, real quick, because every time I mention ranch powder, there's someone out there who is hearing about it for the first time.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Ranch powder. It exists.

SPEAKER_04:

You know what you blend it with?

SPEAKER_05:

Cottage cheese.

SPEAKER_04:

There you go. You got blended.

SPEAKER_05:

Cottage cheese could also use non-fat plain Greek yogurt. And um, yeah, it's uh also you can add some other spices to it. You add a little bit of lemon juice in there, some garlic powder. You can wake the flavor up a little bit, and it's it uh you can kill a whole bowl of ranch and be super full at the end of it, which with regular ranch and chips, you don't get there.

SPEAKER_01:

Should I send you guys some all-dressed flavoring that you can throw in your cottage cheese?

SPEAKER_04:

The whole dress is good. I've tried that. That is good.

SPEAKER_05:

Or those vodka sauce chips, those were really good. The ones you brought to my place, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Or Mandy's place. Yeah, you guys did your in-person meet and greet. And Mike, before we started recording, you said it was like one of the coolest experiences you've ever had. You guys had talked like I mean, I'm sure you're gonna talk about it in other pieces of content, but how was that?

SPEAKER_05:

It was oh uh, I had texted Liam while I was there, and I had asked him what the circumference of his skull was, uh, because you were the only person who had worn an inmoderation beanie, and there were people that wanted to buy inmoderation beanies, and they were trying to figure out will it fit me, and I had never tried one, and if I had, it's I've got this big ass skull. So I texted you. I said, Hey Liam, uh how what is the circumference of your skull? Yeah, I think you said 60 million nanometers.

SPEAKER_04:

That's I'm pretty sure that is what I said, which is accurate. You might have to do some math there, but yeah, I think it's accurate.

SPEAKER_05:

Is it? Can we put that on record? Hand the gun.

SPEAKER_04:

No fooling. Semi-confident enough.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, well, I had a great moment there where uh everybody was talking about beanies and asking me about beanies, and I was like, Beanie babies? What? What are we he didn't know what a beanie was? The thing on your head. Oh, a toke.

unknown:

A toque.

SPEAKER_05:

He was handing out Canadian money too. He's like, here's a looney, and here's a toonie. Here's a baboonie, and it's real. That's I'm not making any of that up.

SPEAKER_04:

Fucking monopoly money, man.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh man. I've got a Canadian corner in my wallet. I don't want to get caught.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, you I'm sorry. You might get you might get deported for having Canadian money. Well, it's a good thing this podcast doesn't air anywhere. Exactly. They'll never find me. So, no, what could you started on your weight loss journey?

SPEAKER_03:

That's a great question. Uh uh, it was COVID, and playing video games eight hours a day is fun until it isn't. And I had been overweight my entire life, and I simply I took a progress picture just out of the blue one day before I hopped in the shower, and I was like, oh, this isn't half bad. I was 310 pounds, and and I thought I looked slightly better than normal, and I just randomly decided to take a progress picture, which wasn't something I typically did. And then, you know, shower thoughts happen, and you're like, I gotta lock in. And and basically what that conversation looked like was uh if I can't do it now when I have every hour of every day to myself, I have no bills, I have no mortgage, I have no job because it was COVID, everything was shut down. I'm like, I'm never gonna be able to do this if I can't do it right now. Um and I didn't know shit about fuck, and I just started trying to. No, and then I went and bought more. Yeah, yes, absolutely. I went and uh yeah, smuggled some more maple syrup up my pants. But um, no, what I I I didn't really know where to start, and I started with uh way too much exercise for what my body could handle, and I just kept doing it. Uh I started running a bunch uh until I almost screwed up my legs, and then I came up with a workout regimen. Started I started following um Will Tennyson on YouTube. He was probably the first fitness creator I could I could attribute. Like this guy really helped me out. He's the one that I learned from a calorie deficit, he's the one where I got some of my basic recipes from. He's got a lot of good videos. He really does. He's I think he's a really underrated uh creator in the space, to be honest with you. I don't he he stays out of the drama. He doesn't really uh promote anything too toxic as far as a good job, I think, of kind of the Mr.

SPEAKER_04:

Beasting it for the fitness uh where he's just like I survived blah blah blah blah blah like the worst chin, the best channel. Yeah, he does a really good job with the eye-catching, all of those sort of things. His thumbnails are very doing the thumbnails and just like what the best this, the worst that. He does a good job with that, but he also has videos that are more, yeah, like here's calorie deficit, here's what to do with this, here's some recipes. Like he has those things as well, which aren't as popular. But if you're trying to like lose weight and stuff like that, I think he's got great information.

SPEAKER_03:

No, 100%. I started watching him before he was too big. He would like not share a subscriber count, so I can't tell you when I started, but it was about a year into his.

SPEAKER_04:

I remember that. That's funny. That was like what like a while ago.

SPEAKER_03:

Like three or four years ago, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Oh, I guess it was maybe only three or four. Yeah, yeah, it was a while.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I started in 2020, and so I was watching him posted through 2020. So he probably hit a mill years ago in 2021-ish. That's crazy. 2022. Yeah, I remember that. But yeah, shout out Will Tennyson, man.

SPEAKER_05:

When did you start filming your journey on TikTok? Because if if you started it during COVID, yeah, I know you you'd been doing it for a few years when I met you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I just kind of started randomly talking about it because I was pretty proud of myself. 45 pounds down, I think. So it was like late summer 2020. Um, I didn't, again, no shit about fuck, but I was just talking and I wanted to share my journey and give some tips of what I was doing. Um, and I started talking a lot about you know balance because that was something I was struggling with at the time. I got very eating disorder-y for a while there. I was tracking the calories in my toothpaste there for a minute, so it got real bad real quick. I got I took myself to the ER a couple times, um, ended up tearing my ACL in the process because I gave myself low blood pressure, woke up one morning to talk to walk to the bathroom, blacked out, came to my knee hurt, tore my ACL in the lamest way possible. Wow. So I tell people I fought a bear instead. Um, no, that's perfect.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I would have gone with saving something, but I like that too. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Well, I also usually add like burning building, babies, yeah, yeah, okay, orphans, all that other stuff. So um, but that that was a very humbling experience, and that was kind of a wake-up call. It's like, I need to chill out here. Uh, and so around 80, 90 pound mark, I was able to really start focusing on like, all right, I need to get on to like this whole food freedom thing. I need to start bulking and start eating more weight, eating more food because I look like a fucking skeleton. Um, and so after that, it was a couple years of uh cut and bulk cycles. I then started certifying myself, and there was as far as like TikTok goes, again, it was not plan A by any means. Um, I started posting about it. I got like a thousand followers on TikTok pretty quick. I had a couple videos go viral, and I was in a live stream. This was probably like holidays 2020, and I had a girl in my in my live stream say, Hey, I have an eating disorder and your videos helped me eat today. And then that was kind of the first like that's cool. I want more of that. And so I got certified as a CPT, a couple other nutritional certifications, and then started my coaching business um January of 23. So I've been doing it full time ever since. So it's got about yeah, yeah. That's good. That's about it. That's me.

SPEAKER_04:

I wake up like every day for like doing like the social media thing. It's a fun job. It gives you like the cre I feel like just the creative expression and just like kind of to do whatever you feel like doing. I think it's just so much fun. I'm super grateful that this is like what I get to do.

SPEAKER_03:

I've been really grateful about like the people I've gotten to meet. Like you guys are awesome. I've been able to connect with some really cool people through clients. I got to fly to Orlando and meet a client, I got to fly to Philly and meet a client. Like I'm going to Malta in April to for a client who's getting married. She lives there. Um she invited me, uh, my girlfriend there. So I'm really, really excited about that. So that's probably the coolest part of it.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, yeah. I hope so. I got to meet one of your clients. I like Bryson. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. It's like that's how that's how much you've connected with this community that you've now brought them in, and I am friends with people that you have helped. You know, it's uh it's it's a really special thing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. I'm I I I like the people side of it. I'm I'm so so on the content. Like you got you um you can get a lot of fun out of the content side of things. I really like having discussions with people. The short form game, I've done a lot of different things. I I I did a bunch of skits back in the day, and that was when skits were big, and and uh that got me up to like a hundred thousand followers. They are fun. It's it's I just wasn't big on scripting, and I also didn't really know how to run a business at the time, so I was really overwhelmed and burnt out all the time. But now that I know what I'm doing, I'm I'm kind of finding the you know, I'm finding a groove with it as far as like I've really been going a lot more on YouTube. I just like yapping about shit on YouTube because I can provide nuance because there's none of that on short form TikTok anywhere or Instagram, so it's limited.

SPEAKER_04:

It's a as short form as a there's a balance between that, just trying to give people the basics of what they need. But I think most people just need the basics though. So I'm like, you know what? Fuck the nuance. I don't think you do it. You don't really need it to get super far. You can just go with the basics, and I think that's pretty much just what I try and do with my short form. I always think the basics.

SPEAKER_03:

I said Rob was one of the first fitness creators I followed on TikTok. Oh, damn. Very quick ago. I can't remember when, but it was a little bit more. Now we're bringing you on to unfold.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. It's okay. I'll invite you guys all to my wedding. Except Mike. He does he refuses to get a passport.

SPEAKER_05:

I can't passport? They won't let me leave the country. I'm too valuable. They said I'm a national treasure.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh I think that's called the I'm not gonna say that. Never mind. Say it. Say it. I was gonna say, I think that's called the sexual predator registry.

SPEAKER_05:

They want me here? Shouldn't they want me gone? Send me away?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, I mean, Trump's not allowed in Canada. Oh, that's great. I guess you're safe then. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

The thing is, literally whenever he found out, he probably literally verbatim said, It's probably not even that cool anyway. I wouldn't even want to go there. I can't believe they even thought.

SPEAKER_03:

I can't even believe they thought I would go. That's good.

SPEAKER_01:

I never it was amazing the not to get too political for a second, but uh it was amazing the first um time Carney had to meet up meet with Trump, and Kearney had to go to the US, and uh a lot of your Republicans were like, Oh, Trump is so powerful that Canada came here, and it's like no, Trump's not allowed in Canada because he is a felon.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, you gotta spin it, baby. You gotta make it sound better for you. That's what it's all about with politics.

SPEAKER_05:

Does each each consecutive felony count as like a you know a double negative, a triple negative? Like, is 34 the odd number there? No, it's an even number. Never mind.

SPEAKER_03:

I think it works like the red turtle shells in Mario Kart, where you can only get a certain like they just kind of multiply, then you just kind of spin around your little character, and then so you just got this aura of felonies just kind of floating around him at all times.

SPEAKER_04:

I feel like numbers ever shit.

SPEAKER_05:

Let's do an inmoderation special where we all try to be the first one to get a felony. Speedrun a felony. That's a great YouTube title.

SPEAKER_04:

Uh I'm I'm gonna go arson. I want to light things on fire.

SPEAKER_05:

I want to do one that doesn't hurt anybody.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, no, I just but like an abandoned building or something. I just burn it down.

SPEAKER_01:

List I'm Canadian, so I have to do something against the G Geneva Convention.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_03:

History checks out there.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna say robbing a big bank, not a credit union, but a really big bank. Like a like a chase. Bank of America or a chase. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Auto theft, stealing a motor vehicle is a felony, and I've that seems to be the least awful uh on this list. I I'll give the car back. I'm just taking it for a ride. You've been playing too much Grand Theft Auto.

SPEAKER_03:

I was about to say, yeah, just role-playing, just DC.

SPEAKER_04:

Mike needs a gaming station, then. That's pretty much all Mike.

SPEAKER_05:

Because the other ones are like sort of mood killers, like homicide, yeah, assault. Yeah. Just does it's it's gonna kill the mood.

SPEAKER_04:

I feel like robbing something, burning something down, like you know, that's not it's not so bad.

SPEAKER_03:

I had multiple instances. I had both of my I had my we used to live really out in the country, and I only had two neighbors, and they both had shit catch on fire within a month span. In the winter of Michigan, I was very suspicious about that. There was an arsonist just floating around the deep woods of rural southwest Michigan.

SPEAKER_05:

You don't know everyone else was suspicious of you. You're the only house that doesn't burn?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Well, we were the first on the scene, bro. Like well, the first time it was apparently a breaker box that blew, and the guy's chicken coop burned down, and we saw the flame, and my dad and I run over there. My dad busts down the door. He goes, This guy's name was Jeff. It's like, Jeff, are you here? Like, what you're trying to figure out where Jeff's at. Jeff was asleep. He was just sleeping. And his chicken coop was on fire. And then the craziest thing, I don't know how the breaker box sparked, but there were like trails of like fire into the woods. So it looked like a gasoline trail. I thought somebody was walking away with a canister of gas and it was like leaking. I'm like, did somebody do this? And then there was a guest house on the other side of a pond, our only other neighbor, mind you, within like a three mile radius, and the entire guest house completely burnt down on New Year's Eve because they had an uncle staying there and he left the fireplace going.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, geez.

SPEAKER_03:

That was in a 30-day span. I was scared. I thought I thought the whole house was gonna get burnt down.

SPEAKER_05:

And then coincidentally, about a month later, your dad won the chicken coop championship first place. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. He was just trying to get Jeff's recipe. That's all. Damn. Fun little arson story. Always good.

SPEAKER_04:

So for this contest, together very well.

SPEAKER_05:

Do we win when we commit the felony or when we are convicted? Because I think the real race should be you win if you get convicted for the felony first.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, but then like it comes down to like what is it, Prudus Judas or something, whatever it is, like where you're like they how long it takes for them to charge you, and then you gotta get your court date and all that stuff. And I feel like that's just you know, that's out of your control. I feel like we need to do when you commit said arson or what's we gotta make thumbnails first, though.

SPEAKER_03:

We all have to be like a nice YouTuber-y thumbnail. Yes. Will Tennyson style, yeah, speed running a felony.

SPEAKER_04:

I I committed every felony in a day 24 hours.

SPEAKER_05:

For those of you listening here at home, send your letters of recommendation. Ooh, sexual assault. This one's I don't think this is gonna go super well. This one's gonna be real bad, man. And then like sound effects and explosions on the screen.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_04:

This was a bad choice. Why didn't we just go with stayed in a haunted hotel for this video? Yeah. Why can't we just do the spicy chip challenge instead of committing every felony?

SPEAKER_03:

Up next, tax fraud. See, that one's not that bad. See, that one's not hurting anybody other than we.

SPEAKER_02:

We should have started with tax fraud.

SPEAKER_03:

We really should have.

SPEAKER_02:

It's a really pretty, it's a pretty steep progression. Like after like three or four, we start with murder.

SPEAKER_04:

We slowly work our way back to like tax fraud.

SPEAKER_05:

The title is I Put My Unborn Grandchildren in Generational Debt, and it just came with his hands on his face. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I hope this video does well because I really need it to.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01:

Dear Lord. Please commit your felonies in moderation.

SPEAKER_05:

Like and subscribe to Mr. Beast because I just stole his identity and I am Mr. Beast. Is that who your identity was steal?

SPEAKER_01:

You already stole it. You already stole Scotty's.

SPEAKER_03:

I did.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, briefly. Fuck V Shred.

SPEAKER_03:

You got a pretty good like impression down. You got the voice down pretty well. Isn't he selling those hats now?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, yes. Uh yes. This is available somewhere on his website. You can get the hat, and I think a percentage of the proceeds go to a charity. Plug for Scotty.

SPEAKER_01:

Sounds like Scotty.

SPEAKER_05:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

That's that's what we did. Noah, where can everybody find you?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You can find me at the biggest fella on Instagram and on TikTok, and the big fella brand over on YouTube. Uh the biggest fella underscore underscore technically, but that's where you can find me.

SPEAKER_01:

Also, what the hell? Does everybody have a Scotty hat but me? I don't. Apparently we get one. Oh. Yeah. I'm more of a apparently we just need to do uh an episode where we're all just teamw scotties.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm more of a backwards hat guy. I feel like that'd be a clear thumbnail.

SPEAKER_05:

That's what we did uh yesterday for his birthday. We all um we got where's that mustache hat?

SPEAKER_01:

Need to do it like um Barbie style with with each of us is uh a different variation. Liam's the cool skater.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I'm like a 90s like kind of bully kid, you know.

SPEAKER_05:

But we we uh we all got to the restaurant before Scotty got there, and we had the hats and the mustache just waited for him to show up. So he's uh we've got a video of that somewhere, I'm sure people who posted. This ripped hair off of my face. It was very painful. You probably liked it though.

Contributor

Liam Layton

Host
Head Shot

Rob Lapham

Host